Are you firefighting?

One of the reasons I really resonate with naturopathy and complimentary therapies, apart from the fact that they work with natural energy systems and the body’s natural ability to heal itself, is the fact that they treat the body, mind and emotions as a whole. Whereas orthodox Western medicine tends to treat the symptoms, rather than the underlying causes of disease. I am not against orthodox Western medicine in any way – as a qualified Nurse, I know first hand that these treatments can be lifesaving. But I also strongly believe that rather than simply patching up the surface of the issue, we need to go deeper, to the root of the problem, and tend to that.

From the inside out.

This is exactly how I work with couples to resolve conflict.

Do you find that you and your partner seem to have the same argument, over and over again? That you are typically triggered by the same things? Do you get frustrated that you seem to be stuck in this cycle of conflict, and that, even if you manage to reach an agreement over the issue in the short term, it just comes back again later on?

That’s because you never really resolved it in the first place.

I have a lot of couples contact me every day, asking for help with the communication in their relationship. When I ask them about their conflict patterns, and what triggers the conflict in the first place, the answers vary.

“It’s usually over the housework”
“I can’t stand how patronising she is”
“It’s when he snaps at me”.

And so on.

But although the triggers might be different, all of these complaints have one thing in common.

They are not the problem.

When you just deal with the trigger issue – arguing over the dishes, taking the rubbish out, reacting to your partner snapping at you – you are firefighting. You are dealing with the surface of the problem, rather than the underlying cause.

I certainly give couples the skills to deal with their trigger points, and the language and techniques to use to deliver their messages to each other in a way that is respectful and inclusive, that prevents escalation in to an argument, and ensures that both parties really listen to each other.

But it is what happens next that means the deeper, core work can begin.

Understanding the meaning of the conflict, and why you both got so triggered, is the key to access this deeper understanding and connection. Is it really that you just have a headache or feel tired every time your partner wants sexual intimacy? Or are you secretly angry or resentful with your partner for not supporting you with a family issue? Are you really that bothered about the dishes, or is it that you don’t feel respected or listened to by your partner in general? If so, when did you first notice this? When did it start? Why haven’t you spoken about it directly before?

This might all feel scary, and you might instinctively want to avoid going there. That’s more than likely because you don’t feel confident about managing conflict in a compassionate and loving way.

But what you fear is actually the GOLD buried beneath the surface of the relationship. This is the heart of the relationship. The roots of the problem.

If you allow me to meet you there and guide you through it together, enabling you to respond to each other compassionately, the transformation can be immense.

You access the problem at it’s very core. And from here the healing can begin. Spreading the golden, nurturing light of compassion to nourish from the root system upwards, through the trunk of the relationship and outwards and upwards, reaching the sky and tips of its leaves and branches, until your relationship is radiant again.

You will notice that you stop repeating the same arguments over and over again, and that you even begin to prevent problems from arising!

But without this deeper work, the firefighting will continue and you are just being reactive, not proactive.

So, first things first!

Are you firefighting in your relationship, and don’t know where to start in order to turn things around?

Then look no further! Click below to download my FREE Communication Guide for Couples. This is a great place to start managing the trigger issues and discuss these in a healthy way, leaving you clearer to start the deeper work.

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And then let me know how you get on!

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Deepening you connection through the spirit of Nature 🙂

 

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