Are you respected?

Whether we like to admit it or not, we all like, need, to be respected by others. This isn't necessarily linked to having an inflated ego. It's a very basic and important human desire. It helps us to feel worthwhile. That we are recognised for our contribution at work, within society, amongst friends and family. In [...]

Are you isolated as a couple?

Sometimes, even when we have a healthy, balanced relationship, we can feel isolated, either as individuals or as a couple. Because our partner cannot meet all of our needs, all of the time. In a healthy, inter-dependent relationship, we can have our own hobbies, interests or pursuits. When you become too dependent on each-other, you can end [...]

Are you in control?

We all need to feel we're in control of our own lives, and are free to make our own choices. Having that control taken away from us, being told what we can and can't do, can be extremely frustrating and stressful. Unfortunately, there are times in our lives where we feel we are at the [...]

Do you need an emotional connection?

It's really important that we feel that we are emotionally connected to others, and that we have at least one person with whom we can be ourselves, warts and all, authentically. Someone who accepts us for who we are, with all our imperfections. We can achieve this connection through friends and family members. But it's [...]

What does your relationship mean to you?

As individuals, we have a need for meaning and purpose. A sense that we are stretching ourselves, going somewhere, that it all means something at the end of the day. That there's something beyond our immediate sphere that we are reaching for. We need a little bit of stress or challenge in our lives, to [...]

Is privacy in a relationship acceptable?

When you think about having an intimate relationship with someone, where you bare your soul and innermost secrets to your partner, and they to you, spending time with each other, and building your lives together, where does privacy fit in to that? And should it? If you were really in love, shouldn't you be inseparable? The truth [...]

What do you hope to achieve?

In general, it's important for us to feel as though we're good at something, that we're able to achieve the things that are important to us. If we don't have this, we can feel as though something's lacking. So as individuals, it's important that we feel that we're achieving in at least one area of [...]

Pay attention!

Attention is a powerful source of nutrition for your relationship. You need this from your partner almost as much as you need food. This need is in all of us goes right back to childhood - think about the lengths a child will go to to gain attention. Even negative attention can feel better than no [...]

Security Alert!

Every living being has the innate need to feel secure. We're no different. The animal instincts in us mean that we need to know we aren't about to be eaten, that we have shelter, and that we're not constantly under threat. As human adults in current society, this often plays out in us finding a [...]

When is relationship advice unhelpful?

When is relationship advice unhelpful? I ask this question because recently, I saw a couple who had so much advice coming from outside of the relationship, they were completely stalled by it. Like many couples who come to see me for Relationship Coaching, Kim*, 39, and Julie*, 36, had been having problems in their relationship. [...]