When was the last time you and your partner argued?
How did you feel about it – before, during, after?
How was it resolved?
Was it resolved?
When I ask couples these questions when they first come to see me, I often get a mixed response. Many will say that they both felt upset and angry at various stages, that they went from disagreement to conflict to hurt and anger within a very short space of time.
Once conflict has escalated to the stage of unchecked emotional arousal – when you are both feeling upset, hurt and angry, it becomes an argument, and it is impossible to take on board what each other are saying or feeling.
It’s all to do with how the brain works – the primitive, reptilian part that operates the “fight or flight” response in us. It feels so strong because it is linked to our survival instinct. We believe that WE are right and our partner is wrong.
The problem is, our partner is thinking exactly the same thing.
So, who IS right? Most of the argument then centres around this question, with both of you trying to prove why you are right and your partner is wrong.
As part of Nature, there is no escaping this instinct. But we can decide to work with it and manage it differently.
In my experience, the thing that works best with conflict, is COMPASSION. When I say this to couples, and demonstrate how they can be compassionate with each other, they notice SIGNIFICANT results.
Which leads them to ask me – “Why has this made such a difference?”.
If you are both compassionate from the very start, you can prevent conflict from escalating to this stage in the first place.
Being compassionate means that you can demonstrate to your partner that you can see the grain of truth in what they are saying, and empathise with their feelings – EVEN IF you disagree with them.
If you do this for your partner, it is far more likely that they will soften, become more open, and afford you the same courtesy. You are more likely to be able to resolve conflict as a result.
This builds trust.
Want to know how to do this? Then CLICK HERE to download my FREE Communication Guide for Couples, if you haven’t already.
Try it, and see for yourself the difference it can make!
And let me know how you get on 🙂
Your Nature-Inspired Relationship Coach,
P.S. COMING SOON – If you would personally like my expert support to learn the EXACT techniques and steps to resolve conflict effectively without hurt, anger and frustration, you will soon be able to sign up for my Compassionate Conflict for Couples E-Course. At just £99 it is incredible value for at least 8 hours of coaching, and the first 10 people who sign up will receive a bonus 1:1 coaching call with me, absolutely FREE! These places will go fast and are strictly on a first-come, first-served basis.
If you would like any further information about this course or want to be notified as soon as it is released, or have anything else that you would like help with, I would be delighted to hear from you. Just email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.