Do the words really matter? The answer could be more important than you think….

When you are communicating with your partner, particularly when you are in conflict, how often do you use negative language?

I’m not just talking about insults, but also negative phrases or criticisms such as “you always…”, “you never…”.

This is really common with couples. As a Relationship Coach I witness negative language like this between couples every single day.

If I said it’s far better for your relationship if you use positive language – and zero negativity – to resolve conflict, you might think the reasons are obvious. Nobody likes to hear negative language from their partner, and we all prefer to hear things spoken in a more positive way, am I right?

You might also think I am bound to say that, as a Relationship Coach, who coaches couples every day to have more compassionate conflict through improved communication.

But what if I told you that there could be a much deeper benefit to using positive language?

A Japanese researcher, Masaru Emoto, who died in 2014, collated a body of work that apparently showed how the structure of water changed depending on whether positive or negative language or thoughts were directed at it. Emoto took photographs of water crystals that had been exposed to both positive and negative affirmations. Those that were exposed to positive affirmations and words produced crystals which were much more beautiful than those that were not.

If that really was the case, if we consider that our bodies are made up of around 60% water, just imagine the impact our negative words could be having on our partner! And even more importantly, just think about how we can turn this around by using the power of positive language!

Whether or not you believe the research, you know how you feel after your partner has spoken negatively to you, or when they have used positive language. And using postive language yourself means that your partner is far more likely to respond to you in a positive way.

So remember, even if you disagree with each other, or you are upset about something, think carefully about how you are going to deliver your message to your partner, and ask yourself, “Am I using positive or negative language?”.

Want to know how to move from negativity to positivity in your relationship?

Then download my FREE Communication Guide for Couples NOW to access the key communication skills and principles needed to begin communicating more positively and effectively!

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And then let me know how you get on!


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