Do YOU need to change?

So often when I see couples for relationship coaching, whatever the issues are, and however much they disagree with each other, both partners tend to have one goal in common: –

They each want their partner to change.

“I want him to listen more”
“I want her to be more rational”
“I want her to be more intimate with me”

I have talked a lot about how in relationships, we each have our own perspectives, our own unique coloured lens through which we view the world, ourselves, and others. There is a famous quote which says:-

“We see things not as they are, but as we are.”

In other words, both you and your partner will be viewing certain issues in your relationship through different points of view. What may appear to be reality for you, may not be the reality of the situation for your partner.

The truth is, for you to achieve and enjoy the type of relationship that you want, and have your needs met within your relationship, it’s important that you are open to your partner’s perspective. And importantly, that you are open to acknowledging the limitations of your own perception, and that you are open to changing your perspective to incorporate some of theirs.

This can be very challenging, because our perspective is often rooted in very early childhood experiences, environmental influences, social experiences, generational influences, cultural expectations, and past relationships, to name but a few. It can become part of our identity.

To change your perception requires patience, openness, and willingness to change. You also need the skills to be able to do it.

The key to managing differences in perception is rooted in taking the time to understand your partner. You can achieve this through really listening to what they have to say. Because, even if you are fortunate enough to be gifted with the skill of articulate communication, it is wasted on your partner if they do not feel understood by you – they will not listen to what you have to say if you haven’t taken the time to listen to what they have had to say.

So if you’re struggling to communicate well in your relationship, rather than assuming that the problem lies with your partner, look inward. Are you really listening to them? Is it possible that they have a different perspective to yours, and that really hearing what that is might result in a shift in your own perception? That you might reach a new level of understanding?

It’s these shifts in perception that can yield the greatest transformations of all in relationships. Why?

Because it’s natural law. Nature continues to grow and evolve, and as part of Nature, so does your relationship. But change cannot happen when things stay the same. Nature relies on change in order to evolve. And it relies on everything working together in harmony to manage and adapt to that change.


If you want to improve the quality of communication in your relationship, and have your partner really listen to you so that you feel understood, the Compassionate Conflict for Couples course is for you. This is my popular E-Course giving you the exact steps you need to resolve conflict effectively, calmly and lovingly, without arguing! Complete this course over 4 Weeks and go from hurt, frustration and blame, to FINALLY resolving conflict compassionately, positively, and feeling heard – without feeling like you have both lost a battle. And as an extra special offer – the first 10 people to sign up for the course will receive the additional EXTRA course BONUS: a FREE 30 minute 1:1 coaching call with me, either during or on completion of the course! This will give you the opportunity to ask any questions that you have about the skills and techniques learned in the course with an expert Relationship Coach! Click on the button below to learn more now!

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Deepening your connection with Nature 🙂

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