Relationship stuckness – and what to do about it!

I was recently so inspired by Nature that I recorded my first ever Periscope video about something that comes up time and time again with couples –  stuckness.

It was a Saturday morning here in the UK and I had gone for my usual run through the woods and fields near to where I live. One of the things that I like to do to wake me up in the mornings, to actually get me feeling invigorated and energised, is to go out for a run before I start any work, just to get me out into nature and it just really, really wakes me up.

Earlier that week, it was starting to feel a lot like spring and I had been really enjoying the more frequent sunny spells. I had stopped just a couple of days before to take photographs of some lovely, colourful crocuses and I was starting to feel that sense of hope that you get when you start to notice Spring coming through.

But when I woke up on that Saturday morning for my run, and looked out of the window, it was snowing! I just couldn’t believe it. It was March! But then again I thought, this is England – what did I really expect? And I remembered – this happens. The weather is very changeable here.

 

 

So I got up and went out for my run anyway. By the time I was 10 minutes into my run, the weather had changed again as the snow started to melt, and if it hadn’t been for the dusting of snow left over, had I got out of bed even an hour later, I might never have known it had snowed at all.

Nature changes all the time. It’s always evolving. It’s always growing and always transforming.

For many couples, transformation can be quite frightening, because it might mean that something in the relationship changes and that can be really challenging. It can be tempting to avoid change. The problem is that you then become stuck.

Relationship problems often occur when you become stuck, or afraid of that inevitable transformation, and you end up having the same old arguments all the time.  You find that you can’t move past a particular sticking point in your relationship, or you feel that you just can’t agree on something and you can both become quite stubborn.

But think of an oak tree. Solid, strong, rooted, established. Secure. And yet its crown is ever-changing by the minute, the days, the seasons, as the roots grow deeper. What if that oak tree could represent your relationship?

What if your relationship felt as secure as that oak tree, that you and your partner both felt that you knew where you stood with each-other, whilst at the same time allowing each other to evolve from a safe, anchored place?

As part of Nature ourselves, our relationships grow and transform all the time. TWEET THIS

You and your partner are not the same people now that you were when you first met each-other.

I want to tell you about a fictional couple to illustrate this. I will call them John and Jane.

John and Jane had become stuck at a point in their relationship after they had their first baby.

It had been agreed between them that when they had children, Jane would stay at home and look after them full time and that John would continue to work to financially support the family.

Their baby then came along and completely turned their Worlds upside down – in a really positive and beautiful way –  but it was also very challenging.

One thing that Jane noticed after about three months, was that as she was spending all her time looking after her baby, she had begun to miss more adult conversations. She told me, “I love our child very, very much but I’m feeling a bit isolated and a bit stuck, and I would actually quite like to go back to work.”

She hadn’t felt that she could share this with John initially, because they had their agreement, and they had budgeted financially for what it would mean for her to stay at home and be a full time Mother. And she felt incredibly guilty at the thought of going back to work and leaving her baby.

So when they were in couples’ therapy, Jane was able to talk about her feelings with John, and how she felt that she could actually best serve her family by going back to work, because she would have a clearer mind and more variety in her day.

What John and Jane started to realise was that actually things can change, and that it can be safe, healthy and productive if negotiated effectively and respectfully.

Giving yourselves permission to change and grow together will enable you to move forward.

It’s not only normal when your relationship evolves and grows. It’s actually an inevitable part of nature. So you can either embrace that and give yourselves permission to change, or you can stay stuck.

But one thing’s for sure if you choose the latter – you will just repeat the same negative cycles over and over. You will not move forward. You will not resolve things.

So if you want your relationship to transform, grow and evolve in a positive way, remember this:-

  • You do not have to stick with an agreement or arrangement that no longer works for you as a couple – you have permission to change course, just as a river flows and meanders to adapt to the terrain of its environment.
  • Acknowledging and openly accepting that your partner may have a different point of view to yours, and them accepting the same in you – EVEN WHEN YOU DISAGREE – will help to gain each-others’ trust, and your relationship can grow as strong as any oak tree.
  • The key is effective, respectful and honest communication. Click here to download my FREE Communication Guide to show you how.

When you learn to embrace change, your relationship can flourish. TWEET THIS

Next time you feel stuck in your relationship but struggle to understand why, ask yourselves if you are being as open as you could be to change and transformation.

If you feel that you need further guidance on change and transformation in your relationship, or don’t know how or where to start, my Four Seasons Relationship Course is a completely FREE course for couples. Based on the Four Seasons of Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter, you can learn to reconnect with each other, build intimacy, set your relationship vision and grow together, using the principles of the ever-changing four seasons.

To sign up, CLICK HERE.

And please feel free to share your thoughts on this in the comments below. Where do you feel stuck in your relationship? What do you do to overcome this?

I would love to hear from you.

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By | 2017-01-29T16:32:33+00:00 March 15th, 2016|Arguments, Communication, Couples, Relationships|0 Comments

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