Are you tired of not being listened to by your partner?
Does your partner accuse you of not listening to them?
If so, you won’t be surprised to learn that feeling unheard is one of the most common complaints that couples have about each other, when they come to see me for Relationship Coaching.
Typical phrases that couples use are:-
“He never listens “.
“I might as well not bother saying anything – it goes in one ear and out the other..”
“She spends more time looking at her phone than paying attention to me”.
Not listening to your partner can be one of the most damaging behaviours in a relationship.
Because a crucial part of any healthy relationship is for both partners to give each other positive attention.
As infants, we needed attention almost more than we needed food. It was essential for our physical survival, cognitive development, ego development and emotional wellbeing. Think about what happens to a plant when it’s starved of the attention it needs. Without the right amounts of water, light and space, it wilts and withers away.
Attention is nourishment for the soul.
And one of the best ways of demonstrating that you are giving our partner your attention is by listening to them.
To help determine if your relationship leaves something to be desired in the listening department, and whether it needs further attention, answer the following questions with a Yes/No, noting down any thoughts that come up for you in a notebook or sheet of paper:-
- My partner listens to what I have to say – Y/N
- I listen to what my partner has to say – Y/N
- When I am talking, my partner gives me their full attention – Y/N
- When my partner is talking, I give them my full attention – Y/N
- My partner remembers what I have said at a later date – Y/N
- I remember what my partner has said at a later date – Y/N
- I often have to repeat myself – Y/N
- My partner often repeats themselves – Y/N
- My partner is aware of what’s going on in my life at the moment (work, friendships, family, fears or concerns etc) – Y/N
- I know what’s going on in my partner’s life at the moment – Y/N
You might want your partner to answer the same questions, so that you can compare your answers together afterwards. You might be surprised at the results!
Later this week I’ll be exploring why this is such a common problem for couples, and more importantly, what you can do about it. So stay tuned for the next blog post!
Deepening your connection with Nature
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