When we’re single, we often have all sorts of ideas of the type of partner we are looking for on a conscious level. Some of us even have a “checklist” of essential qualities. Sometimes these are physical and practical qualities (how they would look, what sort of job they would have, what their interests might be, what music they like), and sometimes these are the more personal, deeper qualities relating to someone’s character. Things like “they must be trustworthy”, they must be “kind”, “loyal”, “they must be independent and know their own mind”, etc. We also tend think about the things we don’t want in a partner, based on our past relationship experiences.
But I wonder how often we think about the type of relationship we want? For example, have you ever really thought about how you would want to spend time together, how you would want to approach difficulties, how you would want the communication to be? What sort of dreams and aspirations you would want to share with someone?
And when we find ourselves in a relationship with someone, fast forward a couple of years -do you still have a clear idea of what type of relationship you want? Did you ever?
It is important to ask this question because I so often see couples who feel disappointed that things haven’t turned out the way they wanted. But it’s often not until I ask them to really think about it, that they realise they never set their intentions for their relationship in the first place.
Without a clear idea of what you want, you are less likely to receive it.
But it’s never too late to decide what you want from your relationship. All of Nature is energy. Energy moves constantly. It is always going somewhere. Why not direct it for yourself? As part of Nature ourselves, wherever we focus our energy, we will go.
I have a very good friend who is a mountain bike coach. He always tells his clients that one of the most important things to understand is that you and your bike will go wherever you are looking. It’s about alignment.
So ask yourself, and your partner the following questions:-
- Are we where we want to be?
- If not, what would it be like if we were?
- What would be different?
These questions are not always easy to answer, and talking about this with your partner requires open communication.
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And then decide to get the relationship you want!